How to Make It, Not Fake It

Fake it ‘till you make it.

We’re all given this advice to get ahead in our careers, especially early on. We are taught to act as though we have it under control, no matter what, because what others think is more important than our actual capabilities. Say yes now. Figure it out later, right?

This is fine advice…for a short time. But because authenticity is essential to ultimately finding happiness in life, we can only fake it for so long before it creates an unbearable tension. I feel most successful when I’m being my truest self. Now that I own my own business, I cultivate this same mentality in my staff, too. I never want my team or anyone who works for me to feel pressured to be “fake.” I want them to feel comfortable to admit to me that they are anxious, or feeling out of control, or overwhelmed. We have to work together as a team to problem solve. That, to me, is making it.

That’s not to say I haven’t faked it in my career before. I’ve found myself in situations where I was extremely doubtful of my capabilities and talents. Like, for example, when I was asked to fill in as Executive Producer in the Fox Newsroom. I was tasked with leading the newscasts the day we went to war with Iraq, the day the Pope died, and during some of the biggest breaking news events. Talk about stressful. I had to change the entire show and decide what would go in the next block between commercial breaks. I kept asking myself: How on earth am I possibly in charge?

And yet I did it.

The shows I produced earned excellent ratings. Even though, in my brain, I always had an inkling of fear and doubt and felt like the biggest fake on the planet, no one else knew that. I learned quickly from those days in the newsroom that if you don’t keep your game face on, the fear and negativity ripples to the rest of the team. So, I became very good at “faking it” and keeping a calm demeanor, even while my insides were doing somersaults. It’s important to remain calm as a leader, but that’s not the same as being a fake. Today, I’m (selectively) open with my team about when I’m completely overwhelmed. That way, I open up those around me to help me when I need it.

Convincing myself was another story. I always felt so honored every time I was asked to do something impossible, and I have always pushed myself to my limits, so I never declined an opportunity. Gradually, I have learned to trust my abilities. But truthfully, it has taken two decades to feel comfortable in myself and now I feel more sure than ever of my strengths, my ability to land awesome PR for my clients, and I speak my authentic truths about what I can do and who I am. I was not able to do this years ago.

If you are currently “faking it,” here are some pieces of advice that got me through my time of uncertainty and through to the other side.

1. Forgive yourself. Gaining true confidence is a process. It’s okay to fake it at first. I faked it to eventually feel confident in my own skin in business. I didn’t want to pass up opportunities just because I didn’t feel qualified. This is not faking it. This is finding bravery within to push yourself to your limits.
2. Find your own authenticity. Authenticity will look different to everybody. It’s only when you find it that you can honor it. I have discovered my gifts, like an ability to make connections with people. So I have created an environment and career to do that on a daily basis. At the end of the day, ask yourself: “Did I show my true self today?” I tell stories to make people laugh often. I open up my “not so perfect” world to people — whether it’s at home with my crabby teenage kids, my struggles with weight, or my stressors at work. Find the right moments to just be authentic!
3. Find stories you connect with. Go to networking events, panels, read blogs, etc. Connect with others you think have “made it.” Ask them questions. When you hear other people’s struggles and how they overcame them, you will learn that “making it” looks different to everyone at different stages of our lives. We all can continue to grow and improve. Once we release the pressure to fake it, then you will have truly made it.

I feel pressure, like anyone else, to make it seem like I’ve figured everything out. Faking it was a decent strategy when I had no clue what I was doing to get through to actually end up making it, but I wish I would have been more open during those years to others who could have helped me. Making it, to me, means leading with authenticity. That’s bravery. The expertise comes with time. Allow yourself that gift.

Make it. Don’t fake it.